Jacks Banter – chapter 1

Well there I was, bimbling along the main drag, square rig looking dapper when this gronk looks over and shouts 'Here, Jack, You want all night in or what?" Well my timbers where well an truly shivered but not in an arousing way. This one eyed crocadilla-pig was offering what was most likely going to be an adventure that would not only gain me a load of stick off the lads in the mess, but more importantly and as long as I got a photo of her, centre spread on the mess gronk board for the next few months at least! So, what to do. Do I take up the offer from the one eyed crocadilla pig and secure top slot on the mess gronk board, or do I bimble on to the tat shop and get myself that "mum" tattoo that has eluded me since my days at Vernon? What do I do? 'So what's it to be Jack?' she cries out in her wonderful and somewhat colourful southern twang. Quick as a flash I turn to her and just as I'm about to condemn myself to months of flak from my mess mates I see, in the corner of my eye, no other than Wally, my mess mate who had by now seen me and was making a bee line right for me. He was, at this point unable to see the one eyed crocodilla pig but with each step he took towards me, it meant that his line of sight and gronk radar would soon have her well and truly in range. My heart was beating faster than a 20mm cannon letting loose on an argie jet and the sweat was beginning to run down my spotty face. What was I going to say when Wally spotted my intended all night inner? Would he laugh, cry, both? "Oh god" I thought, "here he comes, any minute now......" 'Hey, Jack, my old starboard dhoby bucket' he shouted out as he got closer. 'What you up to shippers, fancy a wet in the Ship Anson or what?" No sooner had he muttered these words when he cast his eyes over the road and right to where the one eyed crocodilla pig was standing. 'Oh god, here we go' I though as the sweat streamed from my head right down into my underkegs. Once Wally put two and two together my life & reputation was going to be in tatters. 'Oh my god' shouted Wally, 'Oh my fekking god', he said again looking like a rock ape that has just nicked a bag of nutty. 'Jack, you little gem you why did you not tell me you had fixed us up with a twos up with Alice?" At which point he ran over to Alice, hugged her like she was his latest flame and said to her 'So you still working in the Mighty Fine then?"       [tis your turn to comment or suggest a course of action using the reply button] funniest option wins a forever jack cap tally.